Why is it that most missionaries go home during the first year on the field?
Why do so many suffer during their first year on the field?
Why do kids not want to go to Sunday School at their church?
Why do the missionaries find it hard to accept the way the church is worshiping?
Are there answers or are these things that we have to accept?
I read Step’s blog on https://www.blogger.com/atom/19596668 “Some of us shouldn’t be here”. And I have posed that question to myself. Should I be here?
Looking at the first question….I think I will be very open here and share what I’ve been going through as of late. At the moment my wife and I are as far apart emotionally as we have ever been. When back in the states when would get to this point we always blamed it on the fact we didn’t spend enough time together. We would spend time together, work on our relationship and things would flourish once more. Now on the field we spend more than enough time together. Where is the break down? I think we have started rebuilding but we both don’t seem to be eager about doing it. I think she is dealing with some emotional stuff and I know I am. Now before everyone gets worked up and says “oh, just give it over to God” or “You are not where you need to be with God” or any other spiritual answer, I have been and will continue to pray and study with God on what I should do next. When at home I would always talk with my close friend/pastor and my wife would do the same. We would talk together about issues that we dealing with about each other and work them out. We have done that as well, most of the issues dealt with me and I agreed that I needed to change some things. Marriages go through the ups and downs. I know this. Maybe I’m over reacting. Maybe I’m using this form of communication to vent. Or Maybe God is going to teach me not to be so transparent to the world. This is probably God’s intent. I’m sure I will find out within a few days. But this is real stuff. Living on the field is not a bed of Roses. My pastor always said that Ministry was all about Pain and Sacrifice. I only thought ministry was tough in the States.
Now the next question….Why do so many suffer during the first year on the field?
Well let’s eliminate the first year if you went to language school. For us that wasn’t much of a transition. It was like living in a big city in the states and you were confined to “little Latin America”. The next year that you are actually at your place of service that is the first year. I only say this for clarification. Now let’s eliminate the culture. I know this adds to the mix but I don’t want to talk about that in this post. Let look at the church aspect of it. First we have been advised not to get involved with any leadership positions. We have been advised to only participate on the level of helping with small projects but not to teach, lead or have any direct impact. (Financially speaking). So at the moment our Baptist church is about as dead as you get. I don’t see any spiritual growth. I don’t see them worshipping God in such a way I think is pleasing to Him. And if I was a visitor seeking God, I wouldn’t see him there. Now my next statement might alarm some but by no means does it state my doctrinal view. But if I (visitor) was searching and come across a congregation that was enjoying God’s love and expressing it in such a way that I thought it was pleasing to God I believe I would have to go there. Now that those churches do not stand doctrinally where I stand so as a mature believer I choose not to worship there even though it is tempting.
Now with our kids they don’t want to go to the Sunday School. Our girl doesn’t like to go because the other kids are so disorderly and boys hit girls and it is permitted. So we struggle with making her go. Our son doesn’t like to go youth functions because basically it is not any better than the Sunday services. Dead as a door nail. Now I was taught if you not going to help be a solution to the problem. Do not complain. Well I’m not complaining just stating the facts. I would love to be a solution to the problem but I’m not allowed and I’m not the pastor. (I wasn’t a pastor in the states either so I doubt I could help in that area any way).
Well this has been long enough. I apologize if this has been like rambling. I didn’t answer all the questions. But have touched some. Maybe I post another later.
I know God wants to teach me something. Maybe he is showing me that I’m one of those that don’t need to be on the Mission Field.
3 comments:
Outoftheshaker,
Hi, I just came across your blog, and as an "m" who has been 16 years in Spain (a country with some similar spiritual situations as Uruguay), I want to encourage you to not "give up the fort" quite yet. You say you are not so interested in talking about the culture, but although I don't know you personally, I think what you are expressing sounds an awful lot like culture shock to me. One aspect of culture shock that sometimes catches new "m"s by surprise is the blow to your self-esteem. You leave the States and all the hoopla surrounding appointment, then go to 3 months of "spiritual retreat" and stimulating learning at MLC, and then you arrive on the field, and many times go "from hero to zero". You can't speak the language, you don't understand the culture, and you feel like an idiot. It is this attacked self-esteem that affects your marriage relationship as well. Because you are not getting the affirmation you are used to in your everyday circumstances, you expect more out of your spouse, who just happens to be going through a lot of the same self-esteem issues as you. In any case, hoping I am not over-simplifying a complex question, I would advise you to take a deep breath, try your best to rest in the Lord, and lower the expectations you are perhaps putting on yourself to produce a lot of results quickly. See this time as preparation for what God wants to do in you and through you long term. If you feel the church you are in is causing you and your family to dry up spiritually, look for opportunities to fellowship with other believers. Pray God would send along special people who will be a refreshment to your souls. But don't rebel. If God has put you there, wait on Him. He renews the strength of those who wait on Him.
I hope this is encouraging to you, and not overly preachy. I have prayed for you that God would give you special grace for this time in your life.
Blessings,
David
Thanks for your transparency. I dare say that most if not ALL of us Ms out there go through periods much as you describe: marital rough places, uncontent children, cultural clashes (whether we recognize them to be that or not), self-esteem issues (who doesn't have them on the field?), and that question that goes often goes through our minds "am I really supposed to be here?"
First, you are not alone with these thoughts and issues going on. We too are going through much of what you say to one degree or another. One thing I have learned is to 1) don't give in to the "voices" telling you to quit, 2) get some help.
Second, our board is very good about helping folks through the rough patches. We are going through one of those times ourselves in an area. The board has been most supportive and we are grateful for their understanding. They know we all go through these times and over the years my wife and I have found them to be very understanding and supportive. Yes, it takes courage to ask for help, but once you do our experience has been very good.
Hang in there. I will be praying for you guys. I too read stepchild's post and even commented. If you get a chance, read my comment and step's response back.
I just clicked on your name in a comment section in another blog. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly here. Y
ou just heard from two of my favorite M bloggers with very sound, very true comments. I heard it said within our first year that we shouldn't judge missionary life, ourselves or others by our first term experiences. We have asked the Lord many times if He wants to move us on and in the process of praying felt a renewed call, were sent encouragement or just knew we needed to persever. We have been on the field now 20 years.
Since two guys wrote I thought it might be nice to say something from the feminine side for your wife and you. My husband and I have gone through similar adjustments - stateside not enough time, on the field too much time together. My husband found a cultural hobby to help him in the language and just to help him get out of the house. I found lady friends that were not in our mission but they lived close and we could fellowship in the Lord. We of course continued to talk to each other and enjoyed it more as we had different experiences to share with one another.
Our children too did not like SS, the language in this country is difficult and they didn't have the depth to understand the Bible. So I met with our 2 kids in the corner of the church and had English SS for them. Sometimes others wanted to visit our corner to practice their English but maybe also to encourage our kids that it was okay. Our goal was to help our children love Jesus, love the church and be okay in the new culture God's will had led us. It was not easy all the time, but in looking back I'd say we reached our goal. Our now grown kids still really love Jesus.
I keep trying to set up a blog but haven't succeded yet, so I remain anonymous. But I will leave my name and offer up my prayers with the others for you, your wife and children too. God has called you and will continue to give you what you need to serve in His Kingdom work.
By His Grace...Joan
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